Sorry Huskies, UCan't

Before I start today's lesson, I want to pass on a personal note on the imminent passing of WBZ broadcasting legend David Brudnoy. I had the pleasure of speaking with Mr. Brudnoy on a handful of occasions when I was working at WBZ covering the Boston Bruins. Without a shadow of a doubt, Brudnoy was the single greatest radio personality/broadcaster in my lifetime and no one will ever even come close to matching his talent and his class. Pinhead Nation wishes to pass on our condolensces to the Brudnoy family and the good folks on Soldiers Field Road.

Now, I couldn't help noticing that there is a sport that was invented three years ago originating in tiny Storrs, Connecticut called "football". The sport, you see, is kind of like Rugby, but is played with helmets, pads, and (as I understand it) is fun to watch.

This past fall, the University of Connecticut, (where according to Obi Wan Kenobi, "you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy") had a football team that was so good, that women and children feared its prowess and grown men whimpered at the mere mention of its name. Since the sport was "invented" in Storrs, the UConn team, under the leadership of Coach, wait, who are we kidding, Emperor Randy Edsall is earmarked for perennial national glory.

This season, the Huskies "captured" fifth place in the powerhouse Big East conference with a quality 3-3 record. By achieving hallmark victories versus national juggernauts Duke, Murray State, Army, and SUNY-Buffalo, they earned a trip to beautiful Detroit for their first ever Bowl game. To the victor go the spoils and after breezing to a 7-4 record, they will challenge the Toledo Rockets in the Motor City Bowl where the winner will receive a lifetime of free oil changes and an Exxon "Save the Tiger" refrigerator magnet.

For Husky fans (I'm talking about the team nickname here, not the physical description of the mastadons who play on the, ahem, women's hoops team), this is just the beginning. Since Boston College has jumped to the ACC because they fear a New Big East Conference that now houses the powerhouse Huskies, The University of Connecticut will soon, according to their fans, challenge for national glory.

The question isn't if they will win a football national crown, but when. Although QB Dan "Marino" Orlovsky will graduate with a degree that is worth the same as the Cottonelle that is proudly being utilized in my bathroom right now, whomever takes the reigns in Storrs will certainly strike fear in the hearts of college football programs throughout the land.

Why is UConn destined to shame all those in college football from Bobby Bowden to Touchdown Jesus? Because their fans want them to. For them, it's their God-given right to have a national championship caliber football program. If the coaches and players can't do it, the state of Connecticut will rain lawsuits on all those who stand in their way. You see, according to the NCAA, the "BCS" doesn't stand for Bowl Championship Series, it really stands for "Because Connecticut (will) Sue".

If this concept doesn't make sense to you, well, congratulations, you are a sane thinking humanoid. You see, when you are from Connecticut and follow UConn athletics, you are likely used to free handouts. You are probably participating in the state's Welfare program, you likely buy your Pabst Blue Ribbon 40's with food stamps, and are certainly taking advantage of Section 8 subsidized housing. To UConn fans, a national college football championship is just as expected as getting a Christmas bonus in their unemployment checks.

But unfortunately for fans of the UConn Huskies football program, the NCAA doesn't award championships based on how badly their fans want them. Sadly, that means the Huskies will be forced to earn a football championship which will probably happen the day after Rebecca Lobo is crowned the new "Miss America".

So until that wonderful day happens when UConn football rules the Earth, they will be left watching New England Patriots games in that beautiful new E. Hartford football complex, while listening to Bob Neumeier call Hartford Whaler games on their headsets, and humming the sweet sounds of Brass Bonanza. Oh wait, never mind...

Collar Up.

- DW