Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Mailbag Friday, 10/27

After a lengthy layoff, your superiors have once again opened our e-mail bag and will grace some lucky petitioners who have sent us their meager questions. If you would like to ask "the people you wish you were" a question or have something to say, drop us an email at '' and we'll do our best to oblige your request to communicate with a higher set of people. Without further adieu, here's a handful of items found in the Pinhead Nation mailbag recently:

Q - Adam F. (Brighton, MA). "Considering how ugly girls at BU are already, can you imagine how FUGLY they will look with their halloween costumes on?"

A- Adam, although at first glance, you appear to be correct, your superiors caution you not to jump to conclusions. In many cases, women at Boston University (as per their religious custom back home in the Middle East) wear burkas and cover their faces all year.

For those coeds at the ugly end of Commonwealth Avenue who call America home and attend BU due to low S.A.T. scores or overall academic futility, the concept of covering their faces may improve their overall physical attribute. Nonethless, if you happen to be on their campus this Halloween, look closely to make sure any girl you question is wearing a Halloween costume or if she merely blessed with remarkably repugnant facial features.

Halloween at Boston University offers a great opportunity for BU coeds to decorate their display their pumpkins around campus.

Q - Dan P. (Shrewsbury, MA). "Hey guys, I love your milk carton teams, especially this year's preseason milk carton team. I hate to steal your ideas, but have you ever thought of having a "All-Dented Milk Carton Team", that is a team of injured NCAA hockey stars over the years? Here's what I came up with.

F- BU's Travis Roy - Though he broke his neck eleven seconds into his first ever shift, his on-ice impact was still better for BU than Dan Spang's 4 year career. Im kind of surprised Parkah didn't make him mix his drinks for him to keep his scholarship.

F- UNH's Patrick Foley - With his head full of cement, his knees ended being made of plastic after several knee injuries. Now he works for a USA Hockey program that must not have asked to see his college transcript.

F- Minnesota's Tyler Hirsch - One of Minnesota's better forwards, Hirsch's mind turned into jello resulting in scoring a breakaway goal in front of 15,000 fans ten minutes after the game ended. Going insane is still an injury.

D- BC's JD Forrest - Late in his freshmen year, he had his hand sliced by a skate and his career plummeted. Considering his academic problems at BC, maybe he hit his head that day, too.

D- ????

G- BU's J.P. McKersie - While riding his bike around BU's campus, McKersie was hit by a subway train. After his accident, hobos on campus rolled him and took his wallet.

Coach - Sean Walsh - Legendary Maine coach dies of cancer just months after coaching Maine's team in the NCAA tournament only to be replaced by coach whose fans think is braindead. His ghost can still be seen cheating late at night deep in the bowels of Alfond Arena.

What do you guys think?"

A- Dan, frankly, your superiors are aghast and speechless. Some potential for greatness here, Dan, but you are clearly in a very dark place right now. A little therapy ought to clear that up pretty quickly. Good luck!

Perhaps that sicko Dan P. would like to use this picture for his future "All-Dented Milk Carton Team".

Q - Deborah B. (Menomonie, Wisconsin). Hi Pinheads. Are you coming to Madtown for this weekend's big series vs. the National Champion Badgers? I love saying that! Maybe B.C. will have better luck this time but I hope not!

A - Deborah, sadly, your state will be denied the opportunity for a return visit by your superiors. We graced your state with our presence last April at the game you referenced in your question. The state of Wisconsin reminded me of the perfect place to end one's own life. Cold, dreary, smelling of old cheese, and with a disturbing paucity of quality yachting facilities.

Well, that's going to do it for this season's first installment of our Pinhead Nation mailbag. Drop us a line and maybe you'll find your question on our next edition.

Collar Up.


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