Tuesday, January 30, 2007

BU begins hunt for 28th national title beginning Monday

For your superiors, the height of contentment is sitting in the den around the fire on a cold winter evening enjoying a Dalmore single malt while ruminating about the apogees of our day. We larked amongst ourselves when one of the hired help asked for an advance of his pay to attend his U.Mass class reunion. Though we enjoyed our jocular get together, the mood changed when we discovered that the last log was cracking in the fire and our supply of wood was spent.

As the people you wish you were considered enkindling a left over newspaper, we couldn't help ceasing our plans once we discovered the newspaper was a Boston University student paper trumpeting the arrival of their hockey team to another "Frozen Four" appearance at the TD Banknorth Garden next Monday.

Your superiors began to read...

The BU Daily Corpulent
- Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Ice Dogs Prepare to Defend National Hockey Title
by Az-Amir Goldstein

For the 55th consecutive year, Boston University has qualified for the Frozen Four and will play for an unprecedented 28th National Championship on February 12, 2007. Despite battling injury most of the campaign, the Terriers will once again compete for college hockey's top prize. BU will square off in the first round vs. Northeastern and battle Harvard or Boston College for all the Ha-saa Al-Gereesh on Valentine's Day.

Despite the early struggles, BU coach Jack Parker was thrilled with his team's rebound.

"I'm just so proud of my guys", said Parker while spotted in line at Blanchard's Liquor Store in Allston. "We started the season with a bad loss to Lowell and to make it back to the Frozen Four and a chance to win it all is astounding."


The Terriers and BU students are once again ready to put all their chips on the table to secure another national title.

With a 13-5-7 record, the Terriers will first face rival Northeastern who qualified for the tournament themselves after a 6-1 upset victory over Maine in Orono. The winner will face BC or Harvard for the national crown on February 14th.

"It's why kids come to BU", said former Terrier skater John Sabo who is currently earning a masters degree from the Work At Home Institute while balancing a hectic anger management therapy schedule. "I mean 27 national titles, that has got to be a record, I dont even think Minnesota or Michigan can say that...to overcome the injury to (Brandon) Yip and have a shot at #28, it just shows how much Coach Parker lives for this."

The Fanboys at BU are encouraged to attend the game in the hopes of getting a chance to be on the "Kiss-cam" before heading back to Warren Towers and take turns giving eachother a "high stick in the crease".

Yip, a sophomore from Parts Unknown, Canada, has missed most of the season with a shoulder injury suffered while helping to lift a young BU coed onto the bar at the Tequila Rain dance club on Landsdowne Street. Despite the disappointment of missing most of the season, Yip will do his best to cheer his teammates on from the stands next Monday.

"Hockey is cool, I like it, it's really, really cool", said Yip when asked to handicap his team's chances next week. "I mean, who wouldn't like it. I think I would play all day if I could. It's like finding that perfect glowstick, except it never goes out, it stays on forever. Higgy says it doesn't exist, but I think it does."

Although tickets are long sold out, BU students can win tickets to the Frozen Four by competing against fellow students in a reality show on BU TV-10 awarding ducats to the smartest undergraduate. Students will be challenged with intellectual exercises such as "timed shoe tying" and a sudden death round of trying to solve "Blue's Clues".

When the calendar flips to February, thousands of scarlet-clad BU coeds converge on "the Garden" to give the building's structural engineers anxiety and hurl profanities at the opposition.

Though just a game, even the university administration is behind this year's team. "Everytime I see that scarlet jersey, I am more proud than my predecessor was when he watched the Space Shuttle take off and not explode", said BU President Bobby Brown. "Dr. Silber hated the sport because he couldn't handle a hockey stick, but I just love it. I hope they win it all again... Since Ramadan, the mood on this campus has been very solemn. This is just what BU needs right now."

A reminder from the Boston University Police that the consumption of Indian Shiraz is forbidden for students under 21 and campus police will be present at the doors of all campus madrasahs checking id's. Remember to have your International drivers licenses and passports ready and please celebrate our 28th national title responsibly.

Collar Up.

9 Comments:

At 8:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brilliant!!!!

That picture of the fanboys is so funny I almost pissed my pants. Where do you find these pictures?

Will you gentlemen be attending the Frozen Four next Monday? Look out for the stalkers like alex and mookie, they are sure to be hiding in the shadows stalking you.

 
At 8:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Az-Amin Goldstein: Accurate!

p.s. I am the proud owner of a brand new Superfan shirt.

 
At 8:32 PM, Blogger Pinhead Nation said...

Yes, the 'Nation will be present to root on the maroon and gold glitterati.

For those attending, please remember to put a coin in the cup of the Northeastern grads you see sleeping in the train station.

 
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