Sunday, February 20, 2005

"Boink" Magazine To Replace Dating at BU?

Let's be frank. Your superiors at Pinhead Nation have never had trouble meeting ladies. Perhaps it is the expensive cars, the private jets, or many of the other extravagant luxuries the people you wish you were enjoy. Just the other day in the lounge at the Country Club, some of my fellow collar-ups were chortling at those who must resort themselves to pornography in lieu of female companionship due to their low physical, social, and class status.

Not surprisingly, our friends at Boston University, who have proven many times they require pornography to satisfy themselves for lack of alternatives, have gone one step better: they have published their own porno magazine, Boink.

Boink, a flagrant rip off of collar-up cousin Harvard's H-Bomb offers provocative pictures of Boston University co-eds, both nude and semi-nude. For those of you liars who will buy it for the articles, there are also numerous stories to satisfy your male curiosity. Since your superiors at Pinhead Nation realize your economic status prevent you from spending the $5 to purchase it (let's face it, foodstamps and WIC checks cannot be used for porn), the 'Nation has received a copy and will give you a glimpse of it here.

First, let's talk about the pictures. When I dispatched one of my drones to the filthy end of Commonwealth Avenue to purchase Boink, he called me immediately after and warned me of the content. When the magazine arrived at Stately Pinhead Manor and I saw the "fine" ladies of Boston University for my own eyes, I almost dropped my flume.

Four finalists for Boink's "most attractive female BU student of the year Award"

After spending about five minutes perusing the pics of BU's "finest and hottest", I began to wonder why a magazine celebrating the buxom beauty of the BU coed didn't call itself "Oink". I find it honorable, though, that a school with the nickname of "Terriers", honoring the physical attributes of the female Boston U. student, is proud to display their most attractive students in such a fashion.

BU sophomore Susan Rottencrotch taking a break during Boink photo shoot.

Besides, the pictures, Boink offers hard hitting commentary surrounding male and female sexuality, as well as a pretty informative sex advice column. For copyrighting purposes, even your superiors cannot reproduce the entire articles, so I'll briefly list some of the articles BU students will be able to enjoy while waiting to "re-enjoy" the pictures.

"The proper way to make love to the Beanpot" by Eric Shinn (BU '07):

"The Bigger the Turban, the Bigger the Gherkin" by Akhmad Shiek-Mohammad-Goldstein (BU' 08)

"Sex and the Sanskrit" by Rupali Shah (BU '06)

"Landsdown Ladies Lovin' Liberia" by Leela Kapur (BU '08)

"These Boots Are Made For Kickin aaand Loving'" by John Sabo (BU' 03)

To say Boink is a hit among Boston University students is an understatement. If you venture down to the BU campus, be careful not to step on the hobos, you'll see copies of Boink being read throughout campus.

A trio of BU coeds peruse and discuss Boink Magazine outside of Warren Towers.

Demand for the new adult magazine has reached epic proportions as well. When I dispatched my Syracuse University grad landscaper to BU to purchase the periodical, the clerk behind the counter told him the line outside of his newstand was in the hundreds. Undaunted, he waited among the sticky-handed Terrier faithful to ensure Pinhead Nation received one of the first copies.

Photo of line of students waiting to purchase Boink outside Boston University bookstore.

The 'Nation wishes the editors of Boink success in their new venture and tip our flumes of Cristal in their honor. With such a readership desirious of any female interraction, Boink should be a huge hit now that Beanpot is won and the College Hockey season for Boston University is over.

Collar Up.

- DW


At 10:06 AM, Anonymous RM said...

I guess they can have classes, but no class at BU. I expect nothing less from the lower class at the dirty end of Commonwealth. Collar up

-- RM

At 10:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is it possible for you guys to be more offense? In one story, you have managed to insult gender, race, religion, and overall physical attributes. You certainly have a talent for this stuff.

At 1:15 PM, Blogger pat said...

First off, this is one of the funniest websites ive seen...2nd....going to BC makes you "collar up" huh? well what does that mean?..when the entire conte forum goes crazy about half way through the national anthem before the syracuse game....i'd say "collar up" means classless self promoting punks.....your thoughts?

At 7:00 PM, Anonymous Murray said...

Classless self-promoting punks defines the BUnit.

At 11:52 AM, Blogger IanAtKDR said...


This is the best thing you've published yet on this blog. I also see that some people are getting their panties in a bunch over it. Keep it up!

At 4:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy Crap is this stuff hysterical. LOL!!!!

I have to give you credit where credit is due. As far as I'm concerned, Pinhead Nation can kiss my yambag, but I almost pissed my pants reading this. Good work. I am now a faithful reader to your blog.

BC sucks.

At 5:25 PM, Blogger Eponine said...

I HATE Boink. They illegally published one of my stories without paying (& I assure you it was far better then the stories in the issue you're discussing) AND stole my money from their "online shop" when I tried to purchase a copy for myself.

Over the past 6 months, they have returned no phone calls or emails, and one of their numbers is disconnected.

I'm willing to bet they're a huge scam & I'm not the only person to contribute to their bullshit and not see any profits.

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