Friday, February 04, 2005

Mailbag Friday

As my servants decorate the Pinhead Palace for the Super Bowl this Sunday, we're going to take some time out to open the weekly "mailbag" as promised to post some of your comments and questions. Let's see what interesting comments you rubes have for the people you wish you were.

Remember, you can send comments or questions to our email at (and include from where you are emailing from) and we'll choose a few to post and allow you to receive answers from your superiors every Friday. Here we go.

Q- Dave L. (Boston, MA) - Why do you guys rail on Boston University so much?

A- Dave, understand, we don't "rail" on BU, we just feel bad for them. As stated many times in this blog, as Boston College graduates, we are a superior breed of people. We do our best to give our readers an idea of why there is so much anger from BU folks towards Boston College. If not for low SAT scores or faulty genetic makeup, they could have been Boston College alums, too. Don't laugh at them, simply feel bad for them.

Q- Amanda B. (Brooklyn, NY) - What the hell is "collar up"?

A- Amanda, darling, since you're from Brooklyn, I'll let the profanity slide. As I understand it, the only four-letter words a Brooklyn native doesn't know are "work" and "soap", but I digress. Collar Up is a philosophy. It's a phrase we use to connect with our elite friends from around the world and a moniker we use to remind eachother that we are better people. Obviously, you are not 'collar up'. I'm going to guess you probably have at least three illegitimate kids by now and the most confusing holiday in your Brooklyn household is "Father's Day".

Q- Mike C. (Storrs, CT) - I can't wait until BC goes to the ACC and gets killed by Florida State and Miami. You guys suck. Collar Down.

A - Mike, as a UConn clod, I wouldn't expect anything less from you. Thanks for your well-wishes to our football team, but we'll be just fine. As a UConn fan, you undoubtedly have an IQ around 65 (the same number as Diana Taurasi's waste size), and will enjoy playing such a tough schedule that features Rutgers and Liberty next year. Good luck.

Q- Patrick D. (Chestnut Hill, MA) - You guys are great and I read your blog every day. I'm a freshman at Boston College, can you give me any advice on how to be 'Collar up'?

A- Patrick, first of all, congrats on being a student at such a fine institution. You are obviously a man of great academic and social abilities. Your superiors at Pinhead Nation wish you well. To be a collar up is very easy, you're already half way there! Graduate from BC, get a nice six-figure paying job, join your local country club, and then (very important) hire and then fire your first BU graduate. You'll be sipping Moet Chandon by the fire before you know it.

Q- Brian M. (Worthington, OH) - I don't understand what your problem is with UNH. You guys jump all over Umile for no reason and the entire Wildcats program too. Dick Umile is a great coach and UNH has been one of the greatest college hockey programs in the nation for years. I will admit your blog on Ed Caron was hilarious, but you guys need to give it a rest and pick on someone else.

A- Brian, thanks for your kind words about our Caron piece. We're just happy he was found safe. Regarding UNH, again, to the point I made to the BC reject a few questions ago, we don't "make fun" of anyone, we just tell it like it is. People don't like to read bad words about their heroes, but sometimes the truth just needs to be told. I'm not going to jump all over you as living in Worthington, Ohio is enough punishment for any man, but understand, the New Hampshire hockey program is "Shakespeare on ice". Exciting in the beginning, but in the end, always ends in tragedy.

Q- Rich E. (Hurricane, WV) - You guys and this blog just show what a bunch of pompous, arrogant pricks Boston College people are. I just wanted to let you know that. Go screw and Goooooooo Mountaineers!

A- Rich, thank you for taking time out of your busy day in West Virginia from fornicating with your sister to send us a comment. It must be tough living in a place where you judge the quality of the alcoholic beverages you drink by whether or not they make you go blind. WVU alums are great, though. They are the best ditchdiggers and travelling carnival employee people I've ever met. Keep up the good work and next time I'm driving through your state, I'll wave to you as you pick up trash on the highway as I cruise by you in my car that is worth more than your house.

Well there you have it. I'm sorry we couldn't answer all of them as your superiors are off for a very important racquetball match at the club. Next Friday, we'll answer more email from the Pinhead Nation mailbag and just maybe we'll make your day by answering one of your menial questions.

Collar Up and Go Patriots

- DW


At 2:37 PM, Blogger IanAtKDR said...

Hello? Anyone home? When are you guys going to tell us about the Glorious Patriots winning another Superbowl? And when are you guys going to do your best Baghdad Bob impression in spinning BC's annual Beanpot humiliation? Bueller? Bueller?


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