Dynasties Rise and Dynasties Fall

As my servants were readying to plan Sunday's feast for myself and my collar-up friends at the Pinhead Palace for the Super Bowl, one of the hired help noted there was a lot of talk about "dynasties" surrounding New England's local football squad. Since my inquisitive servant is a Boston University graduate and speaks little English, he was having a hard time understanding how the word "dynasty" can relate to athletics.

While taking time to explain this to him, remembering the duration of the conversation so to know how much to dock his pay, it became clear to me that in sports, just as in life, as one dominant entity begins, another sadly must die. As the bright-eyed BU grad stared up at me, stunned I was actually talking to him, I began to explain to my illegal alien manservant my revelation, knowing that his non-existent intellectual capacity would limit what he understood.

Ebb and flow. Yin and Yang. In sports and in world history, there have been several dynasties that have come and gone. Up here in a place where sports teams simply don't lose anymore, we will see both ends of the spectrum within a 24 hour period: the coronation of a dynasty and the fall of another.

The New England Patriots will defeat the Philadelphia Eagles on Sunday in Super Bowl XXXIX to win their third crown in four years and cement their spot among the all-time greats in NFL history. Following the game, Bill Belichick will raise the Lombardi Trophy and thousands of semi-retarded Northeastern University students will burn cars, break windows, and destroy property throughout the city of Boston.

After the fires stop smoldering on Huntington Avenue and the NU students are released from jail, the stories in national newspapers will be about the football dynasty that resides in New England. They will talk about the Patriots as the ultimate collar-up football squad, headed by the superior person that is Belichick.

Conversely, as one dynasty is born, another will come to an end on Monday as Boston University's domination of the Beanpot Tournament will finally be put to rest. BU, winners of 25 Beanpot Championships, had dominated this tournament to the tune of six straight 'pots from 1995-2000 and also winning in 2002 and 2003.

With the rise of America's Team, the mighty Boston College Eagles will win their second straight Beanpot on February 14th, one week after dispatching the filthy Terriers on Monday. BC also won the 2001 Beanpot as well. With the 2005 Beanpot ready to be handed to BC, America's Team will have three crowns in the last five years and will finally put an end to the Beanpot dynasty on the sewage-smelling end of Commonwealth Avenue.

Trying to find a way for BU to defeat BC on Monday will be as difficult as trying to quickly get the smell of a fresh fart out of a car. Led by the great Matti Kaltiainen and legendary forward Patrick Eaves, America's Team, the undisputed top team in the land, will send the Terriers back to the Egg-Anus Arena beaten, sad, and bloodied.

When Boston College wins their third consecutive Beanpot in 2006, folks around college hockey will be ready to crown America's Team the king of Boston's legendary hockey tournament once again.

So in the end, sports will come full circle this weekend in a rare glimpse of how sports does actually mirror life. For your superiors, it will be a time to rejoice and add another chapter to our dominant and fruitful lives.

For those Boston University fans who will cry at the slaying of their hockey team, it will just be another case of how the brief happiness that breaks up the monotony of their miserable lives was squelched, once again, by their superiors at Boston College.

Collar Up.

- DW