Monday, January 17, 2005

The Cream Rises to the Top Again (as usual)

In just over a 72 hour period, the old addage "the cream always rises to the top" was proven once again as America's Team humiliated the overrated Terriers of Kenmore State College twice and the New England Patriots, led by BC center Dan Koppen, dismissed Indianapolis and their hillbilly quarterback Peyton Manning.

After an upset win over BC last November and a victory over our friends at Minnesota last week, the BC rejects felt confident as the Eagles and Terriers met twice this weekend. The first game, played at the hallowed grounds of Chestnut Hill, proved to be a rout as America's Team slapped BU around so hard even the ghost of BU alum Martin Luther King, Jr felt it. By the time the carnage finally ended, the Eagles skated off with a 6-3 victory and BU coach Jack Parker went back to his desk and opened up his hidden bottle of Johnnie Walker Red to dull the pain.

The next night, America's Team travelled down Commonwealth Avenue to greet the thousands of BC rejects who were awaiting them with their clever "BC sucks" chant. Though BC had never played in the new Egg-Anus Arena, they made it their own by flushing the Terriers like a painful turd to the tune of a 2-0 shutout. Led by the great Matti Kaltiainen, the king of all goaltenders, the Eagles sent the BC rejects out into the cold, sad and dejected, to find meaning in their failed and miserable lives. Although they were without the oveRAYted Chris Bourque, out with a nasty yeast infection (ok, a knee injury), it didn't matter as the Terriers proved to be simple fodder fueling the unstoppable Eagle machine.

Lessons learned for BU fans? There were many. First and foremost, you still sit at the "kids table" in the sport of college hockey and are miles behind your superiors from the Hill. BU entered this game ranked #8 in the nation, a ranking I agree with if there were only nine teams in the country. Northeastern would be last as a matter of course.

Second, no matter how many "f-bombs" you throw, no matter how much you dislike your bosses with Boston College degrees, remember, you will always be second-class citizens in the game of life and should always refer to BC graduates as "sir, your honor, your highness, or your holiness." Don't get me wrong, your superiors at the 'Nation don't dislike you one bit. We just don't understand you. Maybe it's your accents or broken english, but when we hear you yell "BC sucks", what we really hear is "We wish we went to BC".

On Sunday, the "rivalry" between the Patriots and Indy Colts was renewed in the same vein as the rivalry between the hammer and the nail. It's clear to the 'Nation that no matter what, the Colts, led by Gomer Pyle stand-in Peyton Manning cannot beat the New England Patriots. Manning, a quarterback who is the ultimate loser, once again crawled up to Patriots' coach Bill Belichick and said "I'm here daddy, please spank me before I go off to bed".

By the time the 20-3 Patriot rout ended, Manning was left remembering the good ole days of hanging out barefoot at the fishing hole with dear old dad discussing the ins and outs of losing big games on the grid. The best part of this year's version of the Colts beatdown is listening to complete collar-down lowbrows like the ESPN "experts" seeth as they are forced to eat crow once again. Pinhead Nation raises our flumes of Moet and Chandon once again to praise the football dynasty in New England.

Next up is the AFC championship vs. Pittsburgh, but is there any real suspense on how that game is going to end? Regardless of what people say or think, the unbathed and uncivilized rubes in the Steel City will join the children at Boston University in their overall feeling of sadness and the reality that they are owned by a superior breed of people.

Collar Up

- DW


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