Sunday, April 01, 2007

Happy Groundhog Day!

It's our favorite time of the year. Hockey playoff fever is in full swing. Snow is melting and the weather is getting warmer. And the anticipation of which date GroundDog Day will fall on is at an all-time high. As America's Team heads to yet another Frozen Four, almost simultaneously, a Terrier was pulled out of the bowels of Egg Anus Arena the morning of March 23rd and did not see his shadow, thus bringing an early spring for the Terrier hockey program once again.

Recently, BU celebrated the 10th anniversary of its last appearance in the Frozen Four. And to honor that anniversary, Jack Parker drank himself into a stupor and headed to Grand Rapids to watch his uninspired, hopeless, and talentless squad get fisted by the MSU Spartans, who also find themselves heading to St. Louis thanks to receiving a "first round bye" in the NCAA tournament.

Separated at birth: The St. Louis Arch and the backside of a BU coed.

This tradition is a fairly new one for the Terrier hockey program, as it was only recently that America's Team was taken over by the greatest coach in the land and has pushed BU far below that of our beloved Eagles hockey program. Rest assured that this rise and drop in the two programs after Jerry York's hiring is no coincidence, but that's a story for another day.

The "Golden" Arches will be the only ones BU students see next week when they head to work in the fast food industry.

On some date between the 2nd Tuesday in February and the weekend of the NCAA tournament's first round, a group of GroundDog Day officials, known as the Inner Circle Jerks, hold a festival in a room in the bowels of Egg Anus Arena known as Knob Gobblers Notch. Fanboys from streets, cities, and countries near and far gather to see what the prediction will be even though they know what's coming.

The president of the Inner Circle Jerks, Mr. R.A. Hughes, reaches in to a cage and pulls out a Terrier, affectingly known as "Ruwayshid Rhett" and the animal speaks to him in a language only he can understand called "Fanboyese." It's at this time that it is proclaimed that the ratdog does not see his shadow and an early spring is coming. For ten straight years now, the entire life of the new holiday, the prediction has been the same.

Don't drive angry, Fanboys.

GroundDog Day has much significance over at Baghdad University - not only does the early spring prediction by the ratdog signify the end to another fruitless hockey season for BU - but it also signifies that prediction of warmer weather will lead to many BU coeds heading to BU Beach to rid themselves of their burkas and other clothing. When their tears dry, BU Beach becomes BU Beached Whale and the PETA volunteers show up to attempt to throw them back into the Charles River.

After a few days of sorrow, however, much fun ensues for Fanboy Nation as they rationalize that they will have more money from working the weekend shifts at McDonald's, and instead of heading to hockey games and paying for tickets and food, they will not have to shell out the dough to head to St. Louis and cheer on their team with other fansies in Fanboy Nation.

"What do you mean this is NOT 1997!?"

Your superiors would like to congratulate the inadequate hockey players at Baghdad University on their pathetic season. Additionally, we pop our collars and raise our flumes to Jerry York and America's Team for heading to yet another Frozen Four. See you all in St. Louis!

Collar Up


At 5:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My name is Janet Rogers and I'm with Terrell Creative, a publishing. We would be interested in using your image of the St. Louis arch in a postcard. Please let us know if you would be interested.
Thank you,
Janet Rogers


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