Wednesday, February 23, 2005

New Hampshire Travel Guide for Collar-Ups

While sitting in my office discussing my social calendar with one of my subservients, I noticed that this weekend is the annual visit to Durham, New Hampshire for America's Team. Your superiors make this trip on an annual basis as we feel it is our duty to help support New Hampshire's economy. This is also a sociological trip for the people you wish you were as witnessing the backward folks of New Hampshire is a reminder of what a superior breed of humans we really are.

Although my collar-up colleague T. Fidler Smith invited me to the Islands for a weekend of wine tasting and a chance to check out the new keel on his 61' Wilbur Hunt, I chose to pass up the invite to visit New Hampshire. To be honest, Fidler tends to become quite churlish after a bottle of Chenin Blanc, but I digress.

As previously mentioned, your superiors have made this trip many times and feel that for any collar-ups making the trip this weekend, you are made aware of what to expect as you demean yourselves by making a visit to the Granite State.

Once you leave the Commonwealth and enter New Hampshire, look out the window of the limo and you'll immediately notice a change in culture. Gone are the mansions that dot the North Shore and replacing them are dilapidated dwellings that you wouldn't house your gardener in, even though he is probably a UNH valedictorian.

The New Hampshire Governor's Mansion is a top tourist attraction for visitors

Folks in New Hampshire are proud of the rustic beauty along their seashore and lakes. Not surprising, many unemployed folks in Nashua, NH who live off the state's welfare system take time out of their busy day of collecting cans to vacation in the lake's region. Properties along New Hampshire's sprawling Lake Winnepesaukee, the finest homes in the state, can cost as much as $27,000, an amount far too rich for the inpecunious locals.

Waterfront property in New Hampshire is a luxury too expensive for most residents.

The social life in New Hampshire leaves much to be desired, especially after hours. A few years ago, my colleagues and I decided to experience some of the state's night life and were agape at what we found. There were gentlemen's clubs that offered an unsightly display of 250 lbs. nude women who showed no shame in displaying their c-section scars and countless Dale Earnhardt tattoos for a dollar. Similar, several strange escort services, some of the bovine variety, existed offering several sordid pleasures for the overworked and undersexed New Hampshire farmer.

1-900-HOT-COWZ escort service is a huge hit with the locals.

In summation, a trip to New Hampshire for collar-ups is not one for the faint of heart. Fortunately, a trip back to a society that stopped evolving during the Paleolithic Era offers a rare glimpse at those who live at the nadir of society. Enjoy your visit.

Collar Up.

- DW


At 8:29 AM, Blogger Murray said...

I wouldn't expect too many comments from UHN trash as literacy is a requirement.

At 12:03 PM, Blogger Rich Maclone said...

... and the meager funds to purchase a personal computer as well. Of course they could go to the library, but then we run into the whole literacy issue again. It's a vicious circle in New Hampshire.


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