Thursday, October 13, 2005

Owned

Here at Pinhead Nation World Headquarters, we have bestowed upon ourselves the awesome responsibility to point out shortcomings and chortle at intellectual failings. Truth be told, with the inception of internet blogs, it has become difficult to distinguish between the truth and fabrication. To prove this point, the people you wish you were empowered one of our hired drones to find a way to challenge one of these so-called blogs and show it to be nothing more than a land of bogus information.


Owned

Let your superiors set the stage. In the world of college hockey, top recruits have the world at their fingertips and thousands of fans waiting on their every word. Such a prospect is Sam Gagner. Gagner, a prized recruit from Canada has been reported to be considering many schools, among them America's Team, Minnesota, and Wisconsin, by reputable college hockey recruiting sources.

In late September, an internet blog (name undisclosed to protect the incompetent) focused on Hockey East claimed that Gagner had shocked the college hockey world and chose to attend Kenmore State College. Below is the text of the blog's report:

Thursday, September 22, 2005
BU to land Gagner

It is looking like Boston University will recieve a verbal commitment from Sam Gagner. I got this from a reliable source tonight:

Although I was unable to confirm it today, I am 90% sure that BU just received a verbal commitment from Sam Gagner who would be without a doubt the first significant recruit landed by BU in years. BC was frustrated with the fact that the new BU rink and the Mike Boyle connection were such a big factor in his decision. This was a big loss for the eagles although they really didn’t have room for him. It was being reported that BC, Wisonconsin, and Minnesota were all recruiting Gagner.

I got a call from a 2nd source this afternoon that is telling me that I might have jumped the gun 24 hours, because this source is saying that Gagner has committed, but he did so yesterday, not Thursday when I first reported it.

What does this mean? Well first off, it means that we first broke the Petrecki to BC story, and when other agencies pick it up, it will be proven that we broke this one as well.


Knowing that a player with such skills is unlikely to be attracted to morbidly obese coeds, your superiors, among many others, doubted the story's legitimacy that he committed to Boston University.

Late one evening soon after in Stately Pinhead Manor's "Situation Room", a plan was hatched to prove this story was untrue and its author was merely fabricating an obviously false story. After several ideas, it was decided there was only one way to test the story's truth, by going right to the source.


Owned

Utilizing "yahoo mail", a pretend email was set up using the name "Sam Gagner" and an electronic missive was sent to the blog's author. Curious to see if we'd get a response, the following email was sent to the blogger:

From: Sam Gagner
To: ***************
Subject: Your hockey blog
Date: Tue, 27 Sep 2005 16:32:46 -0700 (PDT)

To whom it may concern:

A buddy of mine told me about your website and I wanted to clarify some things for you. I have not committed to Boston U. or anyone. I'm not sure where you got your info, but its completely wrong. I would appreciate it if you didn't write any more stories that aren't true. Thank you.


Needless to say, your superiors were stunned to see a response to this email shortly after. Expecting a smart remark or, at minimum, looking for assurances that this email was legitimate, imagine our surprise to read the following mail in the inbox:

******************* wrote:

I apologize for any inconvenience. I had a source that told me he was 100% positive that you had commited to Boston U. I will post a retraction immediately. I apologize again, and good luck with your College, and eventual pro hockey career.


Sitting around our fireplace finishing the last remnants of brandy, our socially elite jaws dropped faster than a Maine resident's overalls when faced with the backside of an unsuspecting bovine. Somehow, without any verification whatsoever, the following blog entry appeared on his website:

Personal Retraction statement regarding Gagner

It has been brought to my attention that my report on Gagner commiting to BU were in fact incorrect. I will always stand by my sources, and never reveal them to anyone, and I went with what they gave me here, and I was wrong, and for that I apologize to all of my readers, and more importantly Sam Gagner.

Again, my apologies


Your superiors quickly became perplexed. Why would someone claiming he had such solid sources denounce his story based on a phantom email out of nowhere? Admittedly, this blogger had a correct source claiming top recruit Nick Petrecki had committed to America's Team and did "break the story", but why such a hard hitting journalist would fail to verify a source astounded all of us.


Owned


Was this blogger's original source true? Is he really BU bound? The 'Nation can only surmise, but based on his quick retraction, it's clear his sources were likely flawed. Nonetheless, we convened in the Situation Room a few days later to see if this blogger had learned a lesson about checking his sources so not to further embarrass himself. The following email was dispatched to find out:

From: Sam Gagner
To: ***********************
Subject: RE: Your hockey blog
Date: Tue, 4 Oct 2005 15:41:37 -0700 (PDT)

Hey, thanks for retracting that story. I wanted to let you know that I had a long talk with my family this weekend and I've decided to commit to the University of Minnesota Gophers. Coach Lucia says not to tell anyone yet because of scholarship money things, but I thought I'd let you know. When they straighten out the money thing in a few weeks or so, Coach Lucia said I can tell people, but I'll tell you as long as you know you didn't hear it from me. See you later.

Knowing we likely had the blogger hooked, we eagerly anticipated a response. Realizing that the true Sam Gagner was unlikely to commit anywhere soon, adding the fabricated story about not being able to tell anyone due to a scholarship money issue would answer the question of why such a prominent commitment hadn't been picked up by legitimate recruiting publications. It didn't take long, but soon after the email was sent, the following response was received:

*********************** wrote:

Awesome! This is great news. Good luck in Minnesota, and I will run the story now, but be sure, I did not hear it from you.


Faster than a TV announcer can say "Ayers gives up another third period goal", news of Gagner's "real" commitment was announced to the college hockey world on his blog:

Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Sam Gagner commits to Minnesota (Official and Confirmed)

Sam Gagner has apparently decided on being a Gopher. I have a source within BU that told me this today, I have since confirmed it with more than one source.

It will not be announced for a couple of weeks because there is a financial issue that needs to be worked out within the University. But beleive me, after jumping the gun the first time, I did not want to mess this up again, I am now 100% positive that Gagner is heading to Minnesota. I have it confirmed from numerous different sources, one within BU, one within BC, and one from Minnesota that was given to me by my BU source.

Congratulations to Gagner, and I wish him well in his hockey future.

Again the University will not announce this for a couple of weeks because there is a money issue that needs to get sorted out, but believe me, Gagner is a Gopher
.

Days later, after perhaps realizing he'd be had, our naive friend chose to shut down his blog and pull it from the internet. Your superiors were disappointed to hear that it is no longer available to peruse and wonder if he thought that what he was writing was true, or whether he was just trying to spread rumors. The 'Nation wishes Sam Gagner luck wherever his collegiate days will be. Hopefully when he does commit, it'll be from a source that even the most collar-up college hockey fans can believe.

- Collar Up.

2 Comments:

At 9:44 PM, Blogger Brian said...

I speak for all of us elite collar-up fans of America's Team, when I say thank you! Revealing this fraud for what he truly is brings a smile to my face as wide as when Kenmore Kommunity Kollege loses a game. Keep up the good work, and check out TheBricksHouse.blogspot.com for some of Boston's most brilliant.

 
At 6:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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