Mailbag Friday, 6/24

Good morning to our beloved sycophants and welcome to another installment of Pinhead Nation's Mailbag Friday. Due to the inferior quality of recent questions and comments to your superiors, the people you wish you were didn't want to waste anyone's time recently with subpar submissions for our mailbag, hence the layoff between Mailbag Fridays.

Fortunately, we did receive some quality emails this week and have decided to post another edition of the mailbag you base your life on. Without further adieu, here's this week's mailbag. Remember, if you have a question or comment, submit them to 'mailbag@pinheadnation.com' and we'll do our best to answer them.

Q - Emmanuel B.(Holyoke, MA). Pinheads, I really enjoy reading your stuff and loved your story making fun of poker. You have no idea how many idiots I know at school who live their lives just to play that stupid game. I go to school at UNH and wanted to know what you thought of Keith Yandle deciding to go to Maine instead. Thanks.

A - Hi Emmanuel. As your superiors understand it, Yandle, like former Cushing Academy teammate and BU flunky Chris Bourque, was too academically imbecilic to pass the swinging door Admissions Department at UNH. Considering Yandle was a top hockey recruit and wanted to attend a school with such minimal academic integrity as the Univ. of New Hampshire, your superiors can only surmise that Yandle's brain has similar cerebral capacity as the average Simian at a local zoo. Reportedly, a party was held at UNH's Admissions Department shortly after Yandle's denial as for the first time in school history, an application for admission to the University of New Hampshire was actually turned down.


Cushing senior Keith Yandle will bring his strong defensive game to Maine and not UNH as originally planned.

Q - Josh M. (Jessup, MD). I know Pinhead Nation are proud members of Red Sox Nation so I wanted to know what you thought of the Yankees losing three of four at home to Tampa??? Yankees Suck!

A - Josh, yes, your superiors are certainly proud Red Sox fans and are delighted with the lugubrious plight of the New York Yankees. At first glance, it would seem that the Yankees had wasted $205mm on over-the-hill detritus that have more need for Ben Gay than Ben Sheets. Sources close to Pinhead Nation tell a different tale as the reason for New York's demise isn't age, but deep sexual tension in the clubhouse. Since the arrival of the purse-swinging Alex Rodriguez, several Yankees have secretly "come out of the closet" and have turned what was a close clubhouse into a "very close" bathhouse. It appears that Bravo's "Fab Five" chose the wrong team to makeover recently and their frustration is finally showing.


"High Fives" and "High Hard Ones" have different definitions in the New York Yankees clubhouse nowadays.

Q - Brett H. (Framingham, MA). Hi guys, I know I can't be "collar Up" because I'm going to attend Northeastern University this fall. How do you think NU's hockey team will do this year without Bruce Crowder at head coach? Can they make the NCAA's?

A- Brett, sorry to hear you have to attend Northeastern. Spending the next four or five years at NU is going to be the saddest and darkest days of your young life. You'd probably get more intellectual stimulation from robbing a liquor store and spending the next five years in prison, but I digress. Regarding NU hockey, I'm delighted to see Crowder has finally been fired. Crowder now joins the countless displaced UNH grads on unemployment compensation after nine abyssmal years behind the Husky bench. Looking to the future, your superiors expect more of the same from NU: horrible on-ice play, plenty of empty seats at Matthews Arena, and several violent street riots on Huntington Avenue. Your superiors wish you the best of luck ducking street cars and avoiding bullets while working on your worthless degree at Northeastern University.


Aside from hiring Greg Cronin as their new hockey coach, Northeastern has also hired a new mascot to fire up the 'Dogpound' at Matthews Arena starting this fall.

Q - Tim L. (Chestnut Hill, MA). Guys, I've got a big time dilemma. I'm a BC student fine-tuning my collar-up skills in Chestnut Hill but this weekend I have to attend a wedding in New Hampshire. The groom is a long time friend who graduated from Plymouth State and now lives up in what you guys call "Hillbilly Land". I have to go but I'm afraid my collar-up status will be tarnished with every passing minute I am up there. Help me, I have no one else to turn to who can understand!

A - Tim, calm down, we'll all get through this together. As we understand it, you have no choice but to attend, so rest easy. Look at this as a rare opportunity to get a glimpse into the life of the neanderthal. Be advised, though, that your social class will be temporarily debased and avoid unecessary contact with New Hampshire residents at all possible. If in conversation with a NH resident the phrases "NASCAR", "Cheap Fireworks", "Incest", or "Double Wides" come up, abort your conversation immediately and proceed to bar for a shot of Johnnie Walker Blue. If the "bar" consists of nothing but a large trash can full of alcohol, leave the wedding at once and return to Chestnut Hill for immediate delousing.


Like Jane Goodall's zoological study of gorillas in Africa, a collar-up's trip to a New Hampshire wedding can be a very interesting sociological glimpse into the life of the "White Trash American".

Well, that's going to do it for another installment of Pinhead Nation's Mailbag Friday. Your superiors will be enjoying another weekend of sailing and living the good life. For many of you who are forced to work in one of America's several fast food establishments, have a good work weekend and stay safe. The hot weather can make working over a fryolater extremely dangerous.

Collar Up.

- DW