Friday, May 27, 2005

Mailbag Friday, 5/27

Good day to our rapscallion readers and welcome to another edition of Pinhead Nation's Mailbag Friday. Unless you are a Boston University alum and need to be reminded regularly, your superiors take time out of our pecunious lives to address your comments or answer your questions sent to us at ''.

As you can imagine, the people you wish you were are a bit crestfallen these days. If you are fortunate enough to reside in the northeast, you have been witness to an endless rainstorm that has gripped the region stronger than a UMass-Lowell student's heroin addiction. If you are a collar-up like ourselves, the rain means the country club is closed and the Aicon 64 has remained on dry dock, so please forgive us if there appears to be recalcitrance in our voice as we answer this week's mailbag.

Q -Rex (Brookline, MA). I am in in the midst of a collar-up conundrum. While my initial collar-up status was cemented by attending Boston College, I fear my collar-up status may be in jeopardy. You see, I have spent the past school year pursuing an MBA at Kenmore State University. While I initially attempted to justify my presence among the collar-downs on the wrong side of Commonwealth Avenue in much the same way as Jane Goodall justified her presence among the apes, I am growing concerned about how my time here will affect me in the future. I turn to my superiors for advice and your quick response is appreciated, before I find myself reading Boink Magazine and dancing to bad techno on Landsdowne Street.

A - Good day, Rex. As always, it is a pleasure to converse with a fellow collar-up intellectual. Your superiors understand your concern and you have come to the right place for guidance. According to your message, you have chosen to receive an MBA from Baghdad University, but share alumni status with the people you wish you were. The plumber we employ at Stately Pinhead Manor also received an MBA from BU. Some time ago, he was unclogging a toilet caused by a coed who had eaten too much kashi and, in lieu of payment, the school gave him an MBA degree for his work. Although you have correctly surmised that such a degree from BU is similar in worth to the detritus my plumber freed from the U-Bowl that day, you will enrich the lives of your fellow students with your collar-up status. Remember, it is how you deal with plebeians that fine tune your elitism.

MBA students at BU may be doltish and struggle with the english language, but many can see their social standing uplifted through contact with a collar-up.

Q - Sarah P. (Sayreville, NJ)- Hi Pinheads. I know this is short notice but would any of you guys want to go to my prom with me? I dumped my boyfriend because he was a jerk and wanted to go with someone who has real class. The prom is June 24th down in New Jersey. If you could make it, I'd be honored. Thanks and I love you guys.

A - Sarah, we appreciate the invite, but unfortunately, your superiors are unable to attend. Although we must turn down your offer, we offer you tremendous credence for wanting to attend your prom with someone of impeccible and categorical social standing. Understanding the unlikelihood of finding someone in New Jersey as a reasonable replacement, we wish you the best of luck in trying.

Contrary to rumor, a tuxedo itself cannot transform an uneducated ruffian into a collar-up haut monde.

Q - Justin (Durham, NH) - Whats up guys. I wanted to say how much I like your blog and wish you guys were back on USCHO. I don't agree with anything you said there, but you were entertaining. Any idea when Pinhead Nation will be making their grand return to educate the rest of USCHO posters on being collar up?

A - Justin, sadly, your superiors have likely made their final post to USCHO. Unfortunately for you and the rest of that message board community, the mental defective administrators have ensured that Pinhead Nation will never return to their site. Several of our drones still post on our behalf, but it seems that the 300 lbs. dateless halfwits who are running that site fear the presence of those who are obviously smarter than them. Tragically, USCHO will no longer have a collar-up society to enlighten and educate the college hockey masses because of blind prejudice towards Boston College and fear of risking their readers to high social culture.

Well, that's going to do it for another edition of Pinhead Nation's mailbag. With any luck, the rain will finally stop and your superiors can spend the holiday weekend at the club. Although the rain is good for our lawns, it also means that thousands of UMass graduates, employed as landscapers and highway road repair technicians, are out of work. For their sake and the sake of their miserable families, we hope the sun shines soon.

Collar Up.

- DW


At 3:30 PM, Anonymous Justin (Durham, NH) said...

Thanks for your answer to my question. Sucks that you guys are banned from USCHO, it's boring the the BC guys who are there now just can't bring it like you did. Peace.

At 6:35 PM, Blogger Endless Mike said...

"Oh, it's already been brought-en!"

At 5:58 PM, Anonymous steve said...

that fortune cookie pic is amazing!


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