Monday, April 18, 2005

$200 Million Doesn't Buy What It Used To.

As another Monday arrives and the memory of another spectacular weekend in Pinhead Nation disappears, I had a call from my financial planner this morning and we had an interesting discussion. I asked him what are some fun and exciting ways to blow $200 million dollars.

He mentioned that for $200mm, the people you wish you were could pick up one of the new Boeing 7E7-8 Dreamliners where we could jet 217 collar-ups anywhere in the world. We could use that money to vacation in Disney World about 3 million times or so. I suppose if your superiors were feeling generous, we could treat 5,000 future collar-ups to a world-class Boston College education.

The reason for the discussion with my financial planner is it appears that New York convicted felon George Steinbrenner is discovering new ways to blow $200 million dollars again. After his New York Yankees became the laughing stock of the professional sports world this past fall when they set the benchmark for choking in the playoffs, his band of overpaid and gangrenous ballplayers is 4-8 and tied for last place in the A.L. East with the perennial doormat Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

At 4-8, the Chokees are off to their worst start since 1991 when Roberto Kelly and the immortal Hensley "Bam-Bam" Meulens patrolled Yankee Stadium outfield. Back then, Scott "Cy Young" Sanderson anchored NY's pitching staff while Steve "Second Chance" Howe was splitting his time between blowing saves and snorting chalk from the infield baselines.

Overpaid and underachieving purse-swingers like Alex Rodriguez has helped destroy the image of the Yankees as winners

Though the 'Nation does appreciate the efforts of shortstop Derek Jeter (Jeter earns collar-up status for signing with NY out of his school and spurning a scholarship offer to play with the hooliganistic Michigan Wolverines), it appears that Jeter's championship opportunities are in his rear view mirror nowadays.

Derek Jeter's championship opportunities appear to be behind him.

For years, Steinbrenner has been able to pluck baseball's superstars from their current state of purgatory into a Yankee system that has been a machine for baseball success. Since the rise of the Boston Red Sox, the Yankee owner has become even more obsessed with spending and appears to have finally lost his mind. Considering the Yankee payroll of $205 million, the Bronx Busts' slow start is even more side-splitting.

$205 million dollars down the drain...

Tonight at the "House that Dead-Beat Dads Built" in the Bronx, Steinbrenner's Yankees will battle the Devil Rays in an epic battle to crack the deadlock in the American League East. Although the Yankees will outspend Tampa this year by only $168 million or so, 55,000 homeless crack addicts will be in the Stadium tonight crossing their fingers hoping the Yanks can outlast the hard charging D-Rays.

It's unfortunate that Steinbrenner has chosen to waste his money in such a frivilous manner. To think, if he had any good sense, the Boss could have used his funds to recreate the 1997 movie "Titanic" (costing a record $200 million) and, this time, keep Kate Winslett topless for the entire two-hours.

Collar Up.

- DW


At 5:19 PM, Blogger IanAtKDR said...

Listening to Adam Schein rave and rant about the Chokees on WFAN last night was a wonderful way to cap a great weekend in New York: It was warm and sunny all weekend, the Mets took 2 of 3 from Florida, and Javier Vazquez wasn't around to allow Tejada's grand slam. Brown had to give it up himself! Ha Ha Ha!!!

Go Devil Rays.

At 11:19 AM, Blogger CommAvHusky said...

I had a good laugh while the Yankees scored 13 runs in the second inning last night. So, does that world class Boston College education include the opportunity to gain a masters in pedophilia?

At 11:29 AM, Blogger IanAtKDR said...

Remember what followed the last Yankees 19-8 victory?

So A-Rod can hit the Devil Rays! That'll come in handy come crunch time in September! Raise a banner, the $200 million jokes are out of last place!

At 12:21 PM, Blogger Pinhead Nation said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 12:26 PM, Blogger Pinhead Nation said...

Awesome Yankees! A few more wins and they are at .500!!! At $205 mill, each win is only costing them $41,000,000 each!!

New York Sucks, bitch.


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