Thursday, March 24, 2005

Mailbag Friday, 3/25

Fear not, young rubes, the Pinhead Nation mailbag that sustains your raffish existence from week to week has returned. As you can imagine, your superiors have been very busy over the last few weeks. Following Boston College's "Hillbilly Hecatomb" this past weekend at FleetCenter, the people you wish you were have enjoyed several celebratory functions attended by members of the highest level of the collar-up glitterati.

Now that your superiors have swallowed the last sip of Moet and Chandon and the tears have begun to dry in Durham and Orono, it's time we all return to our normal lives. For us, it's living the life of privilege granted to us by our superincumbent education. For you, it's a life of hoping to hold your minimum wage job for another day, hoping this isn't the day your miserable spouse leaves you for a BC graduate, and, most important, the day that the 'Nation takes time out of our day to answer your obeisant questions.

Whether at work or home, emailers to Pinhead Nation often represent the nadir of society and having their questions answered is often the high-point of their lives.

Q - Adam (Auburndale, MA). I have to give you guys credit where credit is due. With all those injuries, and as a BU fan, I didn't think "America's Team" could win the Hockey East title. Do you think BC will have their injured players back for the NCAA Tournament?

A - Adam, you should be ashamed of yourself for doubting BC's ability. Understandably, you are obviously used to coming up short in life and are accustomed to dealing with the stinging pain of disappointment in your own plight. Still, you should have thought better than picking against the team everyone secretly roots for. Remember, BC did have the benefit of playing UNH in the championship game, which we all know is about as easy a task as finding a Boston College reject currently studying Hindu in Warren Towers, USA. Nonetheless, whether BC has injuries to deal with or not this weekend, we expect to be celebrating yet again.

Q - Mary (Nashua, NH). I think Mercyhurst is going to whip BC the same way the University of Milwaukee beat your overrated basketball Team. Collar up yours.

A - Mary, about a year ago, I had the displeasure of driving through Nashua, NH. Having witnessed the vestigial existence by the locals who obviously couldn't even spell 'tuxedo' let alone own one, I was reminded of that unsightly visit as I read your email. I'm perplexed by the enigma of what life-event retarded your brain and left you with such a feebleminded opinion of America's Team's chances vs. Mercyhurst. Your superiors feel bad for you, Mary, and hope you find a method of education that brings you up to par with the UMass-Amherst grad who cleans our stables.

UMass-Lowell graduate "Mary from Nashua, NH" struggles with the computer skills she learned during her busy "Mall Cart" career to email Pinhead Nation

Q - Clark (Brighton, MA). Hey fellas, I just wanted to tell you guys that I got my oil changed at Jiffy Lube last week and I think I got screwed. The car had less than 5k on it and I ended up buying a bunch of crap that I never heard of. Should I go back and complain?

A - Clark. Personally, I'm stunned that even though we are in the 21st century, that a BC student still has to go to a place like "Jiffy Lube". That being said, of course you were taken advantage of. Understand that most Jiffy Lube employees are Northeastern students who are there for their co-op year and will lash out at collar-up types whenever possible. Don't take it personally. It takes years for people like this to be tamed and resign themselves to the fact that they will spend the rest of their lives serving BC graduates. Keep your chin up, lad.

Q - Scott (location N/A) - Will Pinhead Nation be present this weekend in Worcester for the NCAA hockey regionals?

A - Good Lord, no. If there is a more collar-down city than Worcester, Massachusetts, I would like to know where it is. Worcester is the type of town where the hepatitis-plagued local prostitutes, for fear of further disease, still require their clients to use prophylatics for their own protection. Although we have several invitations to attend, the opportunity to watch the game at our country club surrounded by our collar-up socialities is far too good an offer to pass up.

Well, thats going to do it for another week. Best of luck to our fellow collar-up brothers at Harvard and Cornell this weekend and with any luck, our three alumni chapters will be sipping Cristal in Columbus at the Frozen Four prior to game day.

Collar Up.

- DW


At 8:56 PM, Blogger Jeekers Cripe said...

I don't believe that Pinhead Nation would miss a B.C. playoff game regardless of the city. See you at the game.


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