Hockey Least

As I sit here looking over the vast grounds outside of Stately Pinhead Manor, it's hard not to reflect on the good old days. It seems like just yesterday my tech stocks were booming and when gasoline was cheap enough for a UMass grad to afford. Heck, even the Northeastern alums I'd hire from the local temp agency to rake my leaves seemed to have a bounce in their step.

Just five short years ago, The Hockey East Association dominated the college hockey landscape. The 1999 Frozen Four featured three teams, America's Team, the University of Numbskulled Hillbillies, and Sanction U. at Orono, Maine. As a matter of fact, Hockey East has dominated in the Frozen Four, sending at least one team to college hockey's championship weekend every year since 1992. The question that has to be asked is 'where have all the good times gone?'


Hockey Least has become a conference that even the ECAC is laughing at

In sports and in life, you are only as strong as your competition. Considering the 2004-2005 Hockey East season had the same quality as a Pat O'Brien voice mail message, it's no surprise that America's Team was ill-prepared in their NCAA tourney loss to WCHA twenty-somethings, the University of North Dakota.

This past season, Hockey East "captured" a 5-15-2 record vs. the WCHA. Of the nine "sons of Joe Bertagna", only America's Team showed success against the west, mustering a 3-0 record vs. WCHA opponents entering the NCAA tournament. While BC showed success against the best the NCAA had to offer earlier in the season, beating North Dakota and Denver by a combined 11-5 score, BC began to run out of gas once they "dumbed down" to their conference schedule.

Of his many examples of lunacy, Hockey East commissioner Joe "BU" Bertagna's most ridiculous yet was when he agreed to participate in the "Commissioner's Cup Series". This series pitted BC and their eight slow brothers in a head to head competition against the other conferences, including the WCHA. The former goalie from Arlington, Mass also continued to "trade" referees with the WCHA when nearsighted ref Jeff Bunyon was sent west while WCHA zebra Bill Mason called a couple of Hockey East games.


It's been hard to take Hockey East and boss Joe Bertagna seriously lately

Had Hockey East offered America's Team better in-conference competition this season, it's clear to the people you wish you were, that Boston College would, once again, be participating in the NCAA Frozen Four next weekend. Unfortunately, when BC is forced to play a total of 12 games against quasi high school squads such as UMass, Northeastern, Providence, and Merrimack, it's difficult when it's tourney time and they are forced to play against legitimate competition.


Kenmore State players are told by senile coach Jack Parker that their Beanpot victory did not make them national champions.

So as your superiors jet off to Columbus, Ohio to watch the 2005 Frozen Four, we'll wonder how this tournament would have played out if Hockey East had any respectable teams outside of Chestnut Hill this season. Unfortunately, when a conference is forced to carry hockey-waste such as Merrimack College and is expected to tolerate the perennial underachiever that is Northeastern, it's difficult for Boston College to play with the big guys when they spend 24 games a year playing little boys. Back in the day, your superiors used to refer to the WCHA as the "Womens and Children's Hockey Association". We can only imagine what they call Hockey East these days.

Collar Up.

- DW