Saturday, May 28, 2005

Real World Boston U.?

Our limosine had just passed through the gates of Stately Pinhead Manor when the cell phone rang. Your superiors were returning from a meritorious evening of Beluga Almas caviar and imported Bordeaux at the annual Larrison family cotillion, when a single phone call ensured the people you wish you were would be awake deep into the evening.

On the other end of the Motorola was one of our drones working at MTV in New York City. Your superiors have invested heavily in MTV over the years and when our subaltern informed us that the music network was preparing a reality TV show about the school at the filthy end of Commonwealth Avenue, we were left agog. MTV, under their collegiate network, MTVu, announced that several BU students would be represented in a 24 hour, behind the scenes look at their school.

The pith of the program will be devoted to capturing the lives, the loves, and the Swahili to English dreams of Boston University undergraduates as they work laboriously towards a worthless piece of parchment and future employment at an Aldo shoe store.

When auditions were announced for BU's new reality TV show, the crowds were so voluminous and multitudinous, four of Landsdowne's Street's most popular clubs filed for Bankruptcy.

Like most reality television programs, the hook was finding controversial storylines and images that would allow the dunderheaded viewer to look beyond the broken english and become loyal viewers. BU's Reality TV show promises a shocking and sensual look into the sordid lives of those who find bathing once a week in olive oil an erotic reminder of their homeland.

BU Reality TV's cameramen work covertly to uncover every Beanpot dream, bender, and bukkake there is to be found on the Boston U. campus

While BU's Reality TV show promises to give the school unprecedented exposure, Boston University's Board of Governors were predictably lukewarm to the concept. Fearing another view into BU's avaricious side similar to the infamous Boink Magazine, BU's President and his trusted counsel called an emergency assemblage at the school's administrative offices in New Delhi to discuss the show's ramifications. Fortunately for MTV, the university's pilotage allowed the show to be produced once they realized the potential financial rewards that would be reaped.

Though BU's hierarchy initially balked at the idea, they realized the only Sacred Cow they really believed in was cold, hard cash

Like most of America and out of a morbid curiosity, the collar-up community will undoubtedly be tuned in to BU Reality TV. As disconcerted as your superiors were to find out about such a television concept, it may prove to be a unique view into the penurious lives of those yearn to attend Boston College, but choose to debauch themselves on national television instead.

Collar Up.

- DW


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