The Search For a New BU President Is Over

After spending a wonderful afternoon down at the club enjoying a day of yachting, golf, and a fine cuisine featuring a delicious Roasted Tenderloin of Beef au Poivre, a newflash came across the television.

It seems after a long and exhaustive search, the exiguous commonalty located at the raffish end of Commonwealth Avenue had chosen a new President. Although it took several months to find a replacement for Daniel Goldin, the former NASA Chief who abdicated the BU Presidency in shame, Boston University announced that Robert Brown has been selected as the latest bureaucrat empowered to continue the university's downward trend towards intellectual obscurity.

Brown, a former teacher, researcher, and boy band member, was chosen over millions of qualified recycleables who had the misfortune of being home to answer the phone when they called.


Former "New Edition" singer Robert Brown agreed to assume the Presidency at BU as part of his community service requirement following his arrest for failure to pay child support.

Though he has no experience in running a large multi-cultural safety-school such as Boston University, Mr. Brown (who goes by "Bobby") has won over the student body with his talented dance routines and his promise to legalize barbituates on campus. Of all his several initiatives, none has gained more acclaim than his avowal to re-energize BU's athletics department.


After posing for BU's "Boink Magazine", several coeds have signed up to play BU football after the sport was reinstated by President Brown.

Although some older BU alumni were upset by the naming of a pop icon as President, it should be noted that this wasn't the first time Boston University has looked to Hollywood for it's top spot. In 1971, the Board of Trustees named former actor John Silber as President after Silber's recurring role as the "One Armed Man" on TV's "The Fugitive" ran its course.


Former BU President John Silber, though lousy on the drums and without the ability to shuffle a deck of cards, led BU for 25 years

The Presidency of Robert Brown comes at a very important time for Boston U. Having been passed years ago in academics, athletics, and social class by Boston College, Brown's leadership will be paramount to ensure that BU manages to stay ahead of Florida A & M and the Possaic School of Poultry on US World and News Report's Second Tier Colleges in the US.

Fortunately for Brown, once he assumes the Presidency on September 1, 2005, he will have served longer than his predecessor Goldin, who quit the day before he was to take office. BU was forced to pay Goldin a $1.8 million severence package soon after the former NASA boss was forced to resign his new position following an ugly incident with Silber that allegedly began when Goldin chided Silber for his inability to play "peek-a-boo".


Goldin's failure at Boston University paled in comparison to his failures at NASA.

Pinhead Nation wishes President Robert Brown best of luck in his new role. We hope, for BU's sake, Brown continues Boston U's tradition of admitting academic missteps to comprise its hockey roster. Time will measure his successes or lack thereof.

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- DW