Monday, December 19, 2005

Boise, Idaho. Just East of Nowhere.

With a vacant stare, our dim servant stood with news that would force any collar up to look for the brandy glass. After several minutes, he finally was able to speak and deliver his dour news. Boston College was being banished to Boise, Idaho to play some Canadian college named "Boise State" in a meaningless football game played on a blue football field and commentated by a lesbian ESPN announcer named Pam something.


Welcome to Idaho, wish we weren't here.

Immediately, the people you wish you were began to research "Boise, Idaho" and after several hours, realized that a "collar up" has never stepped foot in the place. Most surprising, to the best of our knowledge, Idaho is actually a real state, not just a made up locale designed to scare children into finishing their dinner like "Middle-Earth" or "Grand Forks, North Dakota".


Idaho ranks 49th out of 50 US States with an average IQ of 87 ahead of only Mississippi. An IQ of 87 is considered "below average" and is consistent with careers such as "Gardeners", "Miners", "Farmhands", and something called a "sorter".

After learning as much as we could about "Idaho", your superiors quickly learned that Idaho wasn't as bad as previously thought. According to 2004 US Census numbers, 21% of the state's population has earned a college degree while a whopping 84% used their blood, sweat, and tears to earn that prestigious high school diploma. Most impressive is that of the 1.3 million residents of "The Gem State", only 200,000 of them have physical disabilities.


Although claiming tolerance towards other religions, Idahoans who don't pray to a potato resembling former Idaho resident Harmon Killebrew are subject to scorn.

Nonethless, on December 28th, the official college football team of Pinhead Nation will embark on a three-day journey to Boise (the word "Boise" is the Sioux indian word for "worthless") for the MPC Computers Bowl vs. Boise State University. Boston College was sent to Boise as part of a bizarre Atlantic Coast Conference hazing ritual for its new members. Boise State won the honor to participate after Gene Bleymaier, Boise State University Director of Athletics, was awarded the bowl game after holding the lucky ticket following a NCAA 50/50 raffle event.


The Boise State Broncos, here shown on defense, appear to be overmatched vs. their ACC opponent despite winning 31 straight home games and owning several Pop Warner championships.

Although most of the maroon and gold clad cognoscenti that dot our Blackberries are quite upset about this game, your superiors simply look at this contest as a Peace Corps mission disguised as a football game. Considering the average per capita income of Idaho is just over $37,000 per year, the opportunity for residents to sell keychains and french fries to their regal visitors from the Northeast is a Godsend.

Collar Up.

-DW

8 Comments:

At 11:42 AM, Blogger nate91b said...

nate91b says it just figures that an anti-American liberal scumbag from Boston would have a problem with the lifestyle of real Americans from the heartland. Making fun of religion Scoop? I've been to Boston, and guess what, the folks there are more dimwitted than those of Idaho - which happens to boast a very nice militia and private social clubs - he he he.

 
At 8:30 PM, Anonymous HankWPiel said...

Fibke is a cross burning racist who secretly years for the taste of a black cock.

 
At 8:55 AM, Blogger nate91b said...

Hank, Hank, Hank, I see you are still the bitchy leftist fag. FWIW it is speled Fiebke, get it right you fag.

 
At 4:01 PM, Anonymous HankWPiel said...

Nate

Delude yourself anyway you see fit, it doesn't change the fact that you are a hate-mongering piece of monkey shit who shouldn't be allowed out in public. I think you could do America a favor by taking your white sheet, heading out to the woods, and lynching yourself. I'd tell you to go and fuck yourself, but you would most certainly screw that up, too. Piss off you Nazi prick.

 
At 3:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dress Warm.

 
At 8:06 AM, Anonymous Manny Ortez said...

We win, bitches. Shoulda been a rout, but all's well that ends well.

 
At 10:31 PM, Blogger nate91b said...

nate91b says that BC just about blew it in the end. Sure they had a nice lead, but they yacked up a cum ball. Hank & Scoop you guys need to go back to Fags-R-Us, your type is welcomed there.

nate91b has spoken. 88s

BOOM-SHAK-A-LAK!!!

 
At 5:02 PM, Anonymous hankwpiel said...

Fibke

I think you are obsessed with not just lynchings but also semen. Good luck on your next trip to Throat-back Mountain you bigot.

 

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