"The BU"

Hoping to replicate the success of "The OC", Fox producers have released "The BU", a show about a troubled youth who is kicked out of Boston College and sent to the ugly end of Commonwealth Avenue in Boston to live the life of a student at BU.

The premise of the show is hardly a new one. During his first semester at Boston College, freshman Brian Fatwood is caught by BC police drinking "Lake Sonoma Zinfandel" out of a box behind a dumpster on lower campus and is arrested.

During his hearing, BC officials are stunned that one of their own has polluted the university by drinking such a bourgeois libation and he is promptly expelled from the university. Considering no schools accept transfers mid-semester, Fatwood had no choice but to enroll at Boston University, a school with limited integrity and an appetite for rabble.


While walking BU's quad, actually a concrete sidewalk spray painted green, Fatwood is impressed by seeing several BU coeds enjoying a warm fall day.

During his initial meeting with BU's admissions officials, Fatwood, being the first student in history to transfer to BU from Boston College, is immediately admitted to the school and is automatically awarded with a Masters Degree from Boston University. Surprised by his own celebrity, Fatwood knew there would be trying times ahead, but he never knew they'd come so quickly.

Upon checking into his new dorm, an 8 x 8 concrete coffin in Warren Towers, Fatwood quickly realizes he is not in Chestnut Hill anymore. After meeting his new roommate, a Pakistani refugee named Bungi, he is told that his Abercrombie & Fitch fall attire needs to go.

No longer will he have the luxury to pop his collar as BU's strict dress code requires its students to wear "B.U.M. Equipment" sweatshirts, acid washed jeans, and Middle Eastern Capezio dancing shoes. The only exception is a BU mandate demanding its students wear extra tight BU hockey jerseys on the weekend.


Gone are the days when Fatwood could walk BC's treelined campus. At BU, he is forced to ride the Green Line where he quickly learns the ins and outs of avoiding vomit while picking up a second language along the way.

Since his 6 weeks at Boston College made him more educated than most of BU's faculty, Fatwood is quickly given the opportunity to work a campus job with potential upside. Unfortunately for the newest BU student, Fatwood is stunned to learn he will be working on BU's scandal rag, the infamous "Boink" Magazine as a "go-fer".


The jubilation on campus following BU's upset win over BC to clinch the "Beanpot" was quickly soured when students realized they weren't getting a year's supply of free beans, just an ugly silver pot.

After his first day on his new campus job, one that saw him chase down hundreds of Krispie Kremes and Friendly Fribbles, a tired Fatwood needed to blow off some steam. Fortunately, a Friday night on the BU campus is chock full of social activities, regardless of your hemisphere of origin. With his roommate Bungi at his side, Brian Fatwood throws on his new sweatshirt and is ready to hit Landsdowne Street to find himself a strobed dancefloor and a bottle of Loudmouth Soup.


On Landsdowne Street, BU students find several unusual refreshment options after an hour or so of dancing to the rhythmic beat of techno gods 'Mescalinium United'.

Weeks later, Brian had slowly progressed and by semester's end had been transformed into a full-fledge BU student. Gone are his collared-shirts and Gucci shoes only to be replaced with foul language and a depressive hatred for his former school, Boston College. Remembrances of "champagne parties at Vandy" have been replaced with "drinking Saki with Van der Gulik".

Nonethless, Brian Fatwood tries to accept his new lot in life. One minute he was a future member of the glitterati, the next a collar-down knave learning half-witted chants to be used at BU Hockey games. Despite being the only BU student in history to once receive an acceptance letter from Boston College, the call of cheap wine has left him with a future career as a telemarketer and college days full of kashi and coeds armed with half-price coupons to "Lane Bryant".

Collar Up.


Eat It, Mr. T.