Wednesday, December 22, 2004

UMaine has...

Time to have some fun as Pinhead Nation prepares for a Christmas full of expensive gifts, delicious Noble Gold Chocolate Cheese Terrine, Moscato Bianco, and Orange Macadamia Nut Torts.

We realize that most reading this will celebrate their Christmas' holiday with boxed wine and stale brownies, but I digress. Let's have some fun with our inbred neantherthalic friends from the North. Play along, and maybe even a collar down like yourself can enjoy the role play:

Insert anything you want after the phrase, "UMaine has..." Consider this your Christmas gift from Pinhead Nation. Here are some ideas to help you get started.

U Maine has the biggest redneck fan base this side of NASCAR.

U Maine has 2 national titles, which is more teeth than any Maine fan has.

(It's also more teeth and toes than any UNH fan has. Two is also greater than zero. Zero is the number of national titles UNH has won. Which is news to me, because judging by the way their fans act, you'd think they had about 18 national titles at least)

U Maine has 28 year old Canadian freshmen playing hockey for them.

U Maine has sold their team bus and decided to travel in an old pickup
truck with a shotgun rack on the back window to travel in style like their fans.

U Maine has decided to put up a building honoring the biggest scumbag coach in college hockey history...proud of those NCAA sanctions and violations much?! We can only assume he is looking up from his cave in hell and is proud of what UMaine has done for him.

U Maine has a football team that is easily top 4 in New England (behind BC, Harvard, and UNH, of course).

(At least they have a football team. More than we can say about that 2nd-tier school on the filthy end of Comm Ave. Baghdad U fans don't even realize how pathetic it is...

HELLO!?? McFly! You'd think they'd be experts on things that are pathetic considering they went to a filthy, pathetic school with a pathetic hockey team. But when you stop and think about it, New England football really is on the rise with Harvard and BC dominating the scene, and UNH and Maine coming up quickly. It's a shame Uconn doesn't have a football team, either... otherwise, it'd be a good region for football.)

U Maine has lots of trees surrounding it... which begs the question I came up with recently. If a tree falls in the UNH trophy case, and there are no national trophies there to see or hear it, did the tree fall? Think hard about that one...I'm still not sure.

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